Tuesday, February 26, 2013

It breaks my heart....

My oldest, Super J, has some special needs. He has apraxia which causes a significant speech delay as well as fine and gross motor skills delays. He is 6 1/2 and still can't ride a bike- that type of thing. He can't write legibly at this point. There is a disconnect between his brain and the movements. Be the movements speech or motor. It just doesn't happen easily for him.

And it breaks my heart. I hate to see him struggle. I just hate it.

The other day we were working on the number '9'. He just could not write it. I broke it down to him just making a "c" for the first part. He just could not make his hand write the "c" in the right direction. He got so frustrated and could not understand what is wrong with him. And it is so hard to explain it to him.

He was due to test for his red belt in tae kwon do. He worked so hard to learn his pattern. It was really hard and we have poured so much into him learning it. I have dragged him to the studio every day. I have practiced with him every day. His brother and sister have had to sit through all the classes. And he was doing great! He had really gotten it down pat.

Until the day of the test. No matter how many times he practiced it, the movements never flowed. He couldn't make his little body go the right way at the right time.

And it breaks my heart.

Other kids have a hard time understanding him at times. He can't keep up and never wins at their games. It is a tough burden for one so little. And he is frail and sensitive, much like his mama.

And it breaks my heart.

Wanting things for your kids is bigger than anything you ever though your heart could hold. You want them to be so many things. Especially "normal". You want them to fit in. Especially if you know what it is like to be on the outside.

I love that kid.

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